In discussion with Jess Love and Kareena Hodgson (The Manifesto).
Kareena– Thanks so much for talking with Carnival Cinema Jess. I guess we need to start from the beginning. Can you tell us a bit about why circus appealed to you when you started?
Jess– From a young age I wanted to be onstage. It started with poetry eisteddfods at 7 and then amateur musicals by 10 and, it just escalated from there. I was also an artistic gymnast from the age of 6 and loved learning tricks and showing them off in the school-yard or just my backyard. So, when I discovered that these two things could combine to become circus I was rapt. I think I was 16 when I found the contemporary circus and I immediately knew that I would spend my life waltzing around the world under big tops and in theatres- showing off and getting paid for it.
Kareena– Which is pretty much exactly what you’ve done! You’ve created a lot of work, much of it autobiographical. What’s that like for you?
Jess– What’s that like for me? I’m an exhibitionist, so it’s great. Ha. Seriously though, sometimes it’s daunting, but only when my family come to see the show. I don’t hold back much with the material so, a lot of it is things they’re hearing for the first time and, that can be a bit shocking for them at times, and in turn scary for me. I also get quite nervous if people that I’m talking about in the show are in the audience, friends or ex-lovers for example. But, mostly, it’s just my work and, I don’t often think about the fact that it’s any different from being a personal trainer or working in an office.
Jess – And the little one said…
Kareena- I’m interested in the therapeutic connection between your work and your self. Is there one?
Jess- Yes of course. The first solo show I made, “And the Little One Said…” wasn’t autobiographical per-say but I made it in response to feeling isolated, alone and depressed after the scattering of The Candy Butchers, the first circus company I was a part of and a founding member. We all went our separate ways for a moment in time and, I felt left behind. So, I made a show with the character I had been in The Candy Butchers big show and, the premise of the solo work was that the rest of the company had left the town we’d been performing in and abandoned me. The show was then a kind of collage of the things I got up to and the mischief I created being left all alone. This show won awards and toured Australia- it gave confidence in my ability to create work and set me up as a strong and competent solo artist and therefore became the antidote for the reason I had wanted to make it in the first place! The other pieces I’ve made are slightly more therapeutic in the sense that they are about addictions or cheating lovers. So have more obvious cathartic elements. I don’t make them specifically for my own therapeutic benefit but, it is one of the pros of autobiographical work.
Kareena– So what do you find more therapeutic? The process or the performance?
Jess– The process. For sure.
Kareena– Why?
Jess– The performance is exactly that, a performance. If I think about the actual material in too much detail or try to relive it as it happened, it would be far too exhausting. I do allow myself to go into the depth of it a little but if I delve too deep while onstage I can tip over the edge. Occasionally I do this on purpose to enhance a section of a show but to do it for the whole piece would probably land me in a psych ward! The process is the place where I force myself to feel the intense emotions of the memories of the events I am reliving and researching. Like listening to songs my ex sent to a secret lover to see if they will feature in the show- I listened to one song, on repeat, for four days and quietly sobbed during the entire process. That song made it in by the way and, it is one of my favourite bits in “Hell is Other People”. I do, however, cry in that section whenever I perform it- I let myself go to that place- not for therapy but because it is so much stronger as a piece of art if I do.
Kareena– I think there’s bravery in revealing our shadow self, particularly on stage.
Jess– Since making full-length autobiographical work, the word brave has come up a lot.
Kareena– What do you think about that?
Jess– To be honest, I had to be much braver to perform flying trapeze in Circus Oz without a safety line than I do to tell a story about being a drunk arsehole. Mainly because I AM FUCKING SCARED OF HEIGHTS!!! But I have always liked the misfits and black sheep. I find people that struggle to be endearing and intriguing and knowing there is a bunch of us (well most humans really) makes me feel more connected and less isolated, so telling my dirty secrets on stage must help other people to feel like they are not alone and that is a fantastic feeling. I find that lying takes more bravery than telling the truth. I’ve never been one for secrets, not that I don’t have them but- life is so much better without them
Kareena– I find that so interesting that exposing yourself and your ‘dirty secrets’ makes you feel more connected. I get that. It connects us in a way that feels very human. We all struggle, you being honest about that resonates and connects. When we tell our real stories, quite often we have to tell others’ stories as well. Can you talk me through your personal ethics around telling others’ stories?
Jess– Hmmmmm. This is an ongoing debate I have with myself and the collaborators I work with.
Kareena– Do you ask permission? Do you believe permission is necessary, given it’s your story?
Jess– I always change peoples name or don’t use names at all. I sometimes ask but, mostly I don’t. I only use material that has directly involved me as one of the main protagonists (the one occasion I haven’t I asked permission), so I believe that I have a right to tell that story from my perspective. My collaborators are often pushing me to be less considerate of the truth and more engaged with the show- but I find this very difficult to do and will always do my best to compromise and find a way to make sure I stay within my moral boundaries to not offend anyone. This doesn’t always work out. I recently hurt the feelings of someone I really care about. We still haven’t had a proper chat about it but, I know they are upset with me. This section was one of great debate between myself and the director. I ended up insisting on the story being as I wanted it to be and it still offended them. I stand by my decisions though as my version was much softer than that of my directors and I think this one was a case of guilty conscience, and I can’t take responsibility for peoples reaction to how I experienced events from the past. But this is one of the hardest dilemmas within biographical storytelling.
Kareena– Thanks so much Jess! I’ve loved hearing some of your story and your perspective on your process. It’s something that we don’t always talk about, but it’s so much a part of who we are as creators.
Jess– Thanks Kareena, I’m super flattered that you asked for this interview. I think it’s so fun to hear about other people’s process so I hope people enjoy reading about mine. I want to leave you with a quote by Carrie Fisher (what a diamond) which I think about a lot and is extremely relevant to the things we talked about…
“I do believe you’re only as sick as your secrets. If that’s true, I’m just really healthy.”
Check out more about Jess at:
Website
Jess Love –
Australian born Jess Love graduated from Melbourne’s National Institute of Circus Arts with a Bachelor of Circus Arts in 2003. For the past 17 years, Jess has been touring the world with Circus Oz, La Clique, Circa, La Soiree, Dislocate Physical Theatre, Circus Monoxide, Duckie, The Burlesque Hour and many more. Jess is also a founding member of the multi-award-winning new circus company The Candy Butchers. She has created and toured 3 solo shows – ‘And The Little One said…’ in 2009, the award-winning ‘Notorious Strumpet & Dangerous Girl’ in 2016 and her most recent, ‘Hell is Other people’ which premiered at Circus Oz’s Sidesault festival in 2018. Jess is currently based in London.
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